


Kumajirou Dooby Doo

by lucywho



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, Drug Use, Humor, M/M, Scooby Doo AU, Swearing, creepy looking castle on the hillTM, i can't believe there is drama in my crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-11-17 01:03:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11264730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucywho/pseuds/lucywho
Summary: “We haven’t caught any signal. How inconvenient. So now we have to go to that creepy looking castle on the hillTM . How unexpected. And by unexpected I mean completely expected," he sighed and started walking in direction of the creepy looking castle on the hillTM. And he dragged Francis with him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this started as a way to relieve some of stress of my final year of high school. I returned to it few days ago and I was shocked that I actually have larger plot for this? Now school is over I plan to update this weekly because I love this so much. I also have plans to update all of my other multi chapter fics really soon. 
> 
> Peace out. Don't do drugs kids.
> 
>  
> 
> PS. English isn't my first language so I apologize for all possible mistakes

Alfred was sure that Arthur and Francis had sex in past 24 hours. That wasn’t surprising. Surprising was that it took them so many freaking years! They had been driving around and solving mysteries for five months already and they just now decided to fuck? It was pretty oblivious that they were going to either fuck or kill each other; but this was rather anticlimactic in Al’s humble opinion. They should have done that after the gang barely survived that shit with guy who dressed in 10,000 Volt suit. Or when Francis broke up with Michelle. Nothing special or life threatening happened in past 24 hours!

They purposely sat farthest apart they could; each leaning on one side of Hero Machine. They thought he wouldn’t notice! HA! There was the reason he was the amazing leader! He had awesome deducting skills thank you very much.

“I think we ran out of the gas, guys," Matt said from the driver seat.

You are all probably wondering why Al the great leader wasn’t the one driving. The reason was quite simple, yet embarrassing. His driver’s license was temporary suspended because he forgot to pay speeding ticket that one time. And because that parallel parking incident. And because he tried to seduce the cop giving him the ticket. And… you know that’s enough.

So he was stuck in the in the back of the van with Kuma, who was absorbing his third portion of pancakes.

“Oh how fantastic. We are stuck in the middle of the nowhere. Again. At the crossroad nonetheless.  In the middle of the night. Again. And only thing remotely close is that creepy looking castle on the hillTM. Geez I wonder what we are going to do?” bitched Arthur.

Ah. Arthur and his trademark bitching. Arthur was your average punk who stunk like ashtray most of the time. Who could, if he really felt up to it, fill the role of “the smart one”.  Notice the word really.

There was also Francis, the perfect lovable pervert, who ditched dates so he can go around solving mysteries.  Or maybe because he liked Arthur. Or wanted to fight with Arthur. After the latest development, Al would assume the first thing. Or maybe both of it. They weren’t mutely exclusive.

At first glance, you would assign the role of Damsel in distress to Francis. Oh you poor thing.  Prepare for the endless rant about stereotyping and assuming shit.

“…so I think best way to the creepy looking castle on the hillTM is just following the left road," Francis finished.

“WAIT? When we decided we are going to the creepy looking castle on the hillTM?” asked Alfred.

“Like three minutes ago you dimwit. You zooned out again," Arthur replied.                   

“Did you smoke Matt’s weed again?” Francis was curious.

Omg they were acting like they were his mom and dad. And they were same age as him!

“Not cool Al. That was my last stash," Matt was sad.

“NO! I DIDN’T TOUCH YOUR WEED. I was… having an internal monologue.”

“Yeah right.”

“Bullshit.”

“I am the leader here. You should pay me some respect, guys.”

“Alfed, mon cher, for the last time just because it is your van it doesn’t make you a leader.”

“Red ranger never had this problems," he should really quite this mystery solving business and join the power rangers.

“Excuse me if I am interrupting something important here, but are we really going to leave the van in the middle of the nowhere and go to the creepy looking castle on the hillTM?” Kuma suddenly asked.

Yeah he can talk. Nobody knows why. It is the one mystery the mystery hero gang will never be able to solve.

“Kuma, you are asking like we don’t do the exact same thing trice a week,” Matt stated.

“Just felt the need to clarify something," answered Kuma and continued to absorb the pancakes.

Arthur decided the he couldn’t listen to that shitty conversation anymore. He opened the van’s door and went out without really saying anything. Asshole.

“So I am out too perdants,” Francis followed.

He and his random French words.

“Arthur probably just went for smoke you know,” Al stated.

“And people would have thought after five months of being in the gang you would be less scared.”

“I am not scared. I will prove it to you.”

He exited the van. And then he politely waited Matt and Kuma to exit the van. He was a boy scout thank you very much. It was real beauty that van. Alfred’s baby. The name Hero Machine was painted on sideways and van itself was colored in red, blue and white. The freedom colors.

“I always forget how ugly is that van until I look at it again,” Matt said and leaned on the van.

“Shut up Matt. Go smoke weed.”

“Why do you people always act like that is my only definable characteristic?”

“I already told you this million times Matt. In order to become famous and spawn a comic and cartoon series we got to act like certain archetypes.  Arthur is the smart one, Francis is the pretty one, I am the leader, Ivan was leader’s sudden mysterious love interest, Kuma is endearing animal companion and you have to be the pothead. Nobody is going to read the comic in which all characters are leaders, Matt. We have to appeal to everyone!”

“I thought we don’t talk about Ivan,” said Kuma.

“Oh, yeah you are right. Nobody was amazing leader’s sudden mysterious love interest,” Al corrected himself.

“So, where are Francis and Arthur?”

“Probably fucking in the bushes.”

“AL!!!”

Then suddenly, as they were summoned, Francis and Arthur appeared.

“You wankers. I tried to catch the phone signal down the road with Francis," Arthur was pissed. But again when he wasn’t?

“So that’s what the kids call it this days," Al grinned.

Matt started to pray. Kuma covered his eyes with his soft little paws. Awwww.

 Francis grabbed Arthur’s hand.

“Arthur, don’t-“

“We haven’t caught any signal. How inconvenient. So now we have to go to that creepy looking castle on the hillTM . How unexpected. And by unexpected I mean completely expected,” he sighed and started walking in direction of the creepy looking castle on the hillTM. And he dragged Francis with him.

So Alfred by some miracle stayed alive.

“Wait for us guys!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is still a complete crack.
> 
> I am sorry.
> 
> Also I know there is a little drama in this chapter about Arthur and Francis and college but don't worry it will end on happy note because this is mostly a humor story.
> 
> Also kudos to everyone who watched Rocky Horror Picture Show.

So the gang found itself following the road to the creepy looking castle on the hillTM.

“If all our flashlights went out at the same time, how fucked up would that be? Ha?” asked Alfred.

“And then I am the pothead,” murmured Matt.

Minutes passed and gang was restlessly walking up the road.

 Arthur thought about Francis. Was it wise to start relationship right now? Sure it was Francis. The amazing, beautiful and smart Francis. Whose stupid hair he hated. Whose stupid accent he hated. Who was such a fool. With who he was in love with since seventh grade.

Who loved him back. That was a little detail he found out yesterday.

But what will happen when their gap year comes to an end and everyone goes down their own path?

 “Do you think anybody lives there?” asked Francis

“Probably Dracula," answered Matt.

“DON’T JOKE WITH THAT. IT IS TOO SOON.” Al warned.

“Nah. This is America. It is probably some rich weirdo who is into alternative style and is also a serial killer with torture dungeon,” said Arthur.

Everyone stopped.

“You know I was just joking, right?”

“Mon Lapin you know I appreciate you dry sense of humor but this isn’t the time or the place for it," Francis sighed.

“You spoke of the devil. Now it is really going to be the serial killer with torture dungeon!” said Alfred.

“Yeah but there is nothing paranormal about serial killer with torture dungeon so that’s a plus isn’t it?” Arthur argued.

“Well when you put it that way…” said Alfred.

Francis facepalmed.

Meanwhile, Matt happily stayed out of it and fed Kuma copious amount of the Maple syrup.

They moved on. The road was getting more narrow and narrow.

“This road is too narrow for the cars? How they expect anyone to visit them at that creepy looking castle on the hillTM ?" asked Alfred.

“Maybe they don’t want visitors,” said Arthur ominously.

“Here he goes again…” commented Francis.

“Shut up you frog I am being perfectly logical. The fact is that the serial killers don’t want visitors!”

“MAYBE THE CASTLE IS SPACESHIP LIKE IN ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!!!”

Francis refined from commenting on that.

Forest got diluted more and more as they progressed.

Then somebody jumped from side road bush.

Mildly said gang almost had a heart attack. The man took a pose and put his flashlight under his chin.

“TRAVELERS BEWARE UNSEEN HORRORS RESIDE AT THAT CREEPY LOOKING CASTLE ON THE HILLTM .”

“Gilbert is that you? Is this that new gig you spoke off?” asked Matthew.

“I don’t know that Gilbert fellow of who you speak off but he sounds awesome.”

“Do you want to join us?” asked Al.

“Nah I got car parked down the other road. Can you tell the residents of creepy looking castle on the hillTM   that I totally scared you?”

“Yeah Gil sure,” Matt answered.

“Okay Birdie. No wait I meant… something creepy not Birdie… yeah.    Sorry still new at this.  See you at home.”

He jumped back into the bushes.

Gang stared at the Matthew.

“So Matt mon cher can you please explain to us why did your boyfriend just jumped out of the bushes and tried to scare us?”

“Ehh… I don’t really know. Probably that new odd job he picked up. He said it is super secret.”

“I really can’t believe that Gilbert can keep a secret,” Al said.

“I really can’t believe we didn’t ask him for gas, ” said Arthur

Fuck.

How plot convenient that they forgot such an important question.

“Well what is done is done.” Concluded Francis dramatically. He always had a knack for that.

He is going to UNI this fall to study drama. He didn’t know if he could leave Arthur. Snarky, smart, rebellious Arthur on who he had a crush since seventh grade. Who all this time loved him back.

Fate is such a cruel mistress.

“What have I told you it is a serial killer,” grinned Arthur.  
“Umm Arthur why do you sound like you really want it to be a serial killer,” said worried Matthew.

Because then he would be right, thought Francis.

They kept walking. They were getting closer. A single window on the left tower was lit up.

“I still think it is a spaceship. What is your theory Francis?”  
“Probably just some people who are sick of pesky travelers and just want to have some peace?”

“Too easy,” mumbled Kuma.

“Well almighty Kumajiro what do you think is creepy looking castle on the hillTM   and who are his residents?” asked irritated Francis.

“Ghosts of the people who died in the last thousand years,” answered Kuma.

“Now I see where my weed went.”

“I don’t think it is that old. Architehture looks pretty modern for a castle,” said Al.

“When did you become an expert for castles?”

“Last night. I was looking for a show to watch and somehow three hours later ended up on Wikipedia entry for Medieval castles.”

“Don’t your nights usually include trip on websites of dubious morality?” Arthur that piece of shit.

For the record boys and girls he was totally referencing the shady poker tournaments and not sleazy porn sites.

Who was he kidding?

They climbed on the small hill and stoop in front of the castle door.

“So we are basically here. No turning back.”  
“Are you turning into a coward Artie? Chicken chicken”

“Not really. I just have a strange feeling about this.”

“You are not the only one, I sense something here too,” said Kuma.

“Chickens Chickens Chickens” sung Alfred  
“FINE!” said Arthur and knocked on the big wooden castle door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooops. Sorry for not updating sooner I got lost in UNI applications. 
> 
> Good news is that I got in my first choice which is Comparative literature and Anglistics double mayor!


End file.
